Dream a little dream of me….

Used to be, for years and years, when I smoked alot of pot, that I couldn't remember any of my dreams. If I had dreams that is. (Well, they say everyone dreams, don't they?) I'm wondering if maybe that (the lack of dream recollection bit) was maybe a good thing. I do tend to have really gnarly dreams. Bizarre stuff. If I have depressing or frustrating dreams, it can really ruin my mood for the whole day.

The other night I dreamt that BH was the guitarist from Saxon. I dreamed a really long, involved scenario where I got tickets to see Saxon play somewhere in Tennessee, and went along. BH was playing long drawn out technical metal solos on some kind of hybrid synthesizer/guitar. It sounded nothing like Saxon, and looked nothing like BH... but you know, it was a dream.

Then last night I had a dream that The Jesus Lizard were playing at a huge gig/party hosted by Corey in London. I was going but I was sad (because I don't work with TJL or Corey anymore) and nervous (because I didn't know if my presence was welcome by anyone). When I got to the venue I spotted Corey across the room and he studiously ignored me. The venue was bizarrely arranged into two small "Roman ampitheatre" type arrangements : bizarre because the band was set up to play in one and everyone in the other one just got to stare at empty space and hear the band playing on the other side of the building. Of course I drew a seat in the empty space section. After TJL played there was going to be a special Stax-Motown review, a special treat arranged by Corey. I got depressed and went to visit my friend Joy at the Thai restaurant she runs. (I have no such friend.) She cheered me up with good food and company, until Corey rang and booked up the whole restaurant for him and his friends for a meal after the show. Joy took the booking, somewhat reluctantly due to wanting to spare my feelings. As I got up to leave, Corey's people called back and asked if Joy would keep the restaurant open til the early hours so the Stax-Motown review could party after dinner. Joy said no way.

Yeah, but it was dream.

I don't really know what to believe about dreams. I guess the most logicial explanation is that dreams are an illogical jumble of our waking fears worries stress and boring daily lives. Although I did once have a really spooky dream... my most famous dream... The Paul Weller dream. Haven't I written about that one yet? Hmmmm.

Misery hates company

Why do some days we wake up happy and others miserable? Yesterday I felt positive, full of beans, etc.  Today I could choke a kitten. Okay the fact that my whole flat smells like a musty laundry could be something to do with it.

Grrrr.

New year.... new blog.

Here I am again.  I won't mince words : 2005 was a cold bitch of a year.  Apart from the general and eternal struggle, I lost alot.  I lost John Loder, my friend/boss/mentor/business partner, the impact of which I can only just begin to understand, 5 months later.  I lost my cat, Pearl. And I lost The Beast, my 1973 Rover 3500 SD1.  Significant losses, all of them.  A car is less important than a pet or a best friend, but it was a special car, one that brought me great joy.  2006 ended with unanticipated tax bills wiping me out financially, just the kind of whipped cream and cherry that the year needed.I gained some ground in 2006 too, and  I don't want to appear too ungrateful, but the good and wonderful things I am holding close to my chest for now, so I can nurture them to the best of my pathetic abilities and share them with you all when the time is right.  Good things are all too rare in my life now and I need to be a bit selfish about them for now.  Sorry.

I am going to try to get back on track with some of my personal pursuits too ... things like writing, even the blog... and my photos and cooking, and just being a more fully rounded person again.  My energies have been focussed in one or two particular directions lately and I need to find more balance. Okay. That's all I can give.  Pinkie toe in the water and that.  Slowly slowly.